[hottie]

Has anyone else found that lots of Chinese women are very aggressive in their friendships? (I am female)

They seem to decide that you will be best friends and railroad you into it. They don't seem to take hints that you want to go home or that you don't want to see them everyday, or that the conversation has finished.
They don't have a gradual build-up just full on straight away.

Even when you have said you have another engagement to go to and need to leave they completely ignore you.

I genuinely like these women, but am starting to get annoyed at them and them at me. Yesterday I got up and put my coat on to leave after a long lunch (and friend not wanting to go) and was told crossly to sit down again, that of course I had another 2 minutes to listen to her. Of course her story took 25 minutes.

I am not used to chatting for 4 hours on end and my head swims after about 2 and my eyes glaze over. I don't think I even have to say anything, just nod occassionally.

Another always wants to walk to the MTR with me and keeps stopping to point things out in shops etc and the walk takes triple time.

Even when I say NO quite forcefully, they just laugh and continue on.

Another tactic is when we agree to meet for coffee, when we get there they have arranged other things too and are offended when I say no. One lady got huffy when I said I had to teach at 2pm. She said "no problem - start late and finish late" and desperately tried to stop me from leaving.

If as a female I get this, I dread to think what Western men get from romantically interested Chinese women.

Anyone care to share their experiences?

Hottie

[Valencia1]

Hi, hottie,

I am a Chinese local female and I can assure you that the majority of Chinese female here just don't behave this way. Many are busy at work and with their families, even those who stay home have to take care of their children, mainly their homework and do housework if they don't have a maid. Few people have the leisure to talk with you for 4 hours every day. And beware, those that like to talk with you for a real long time every time can be REALLY TROUBLESOME PEOPLE, as I've met one in my experience. You should stay away from them and meet nicer people. The one who told you to start late and finish late is really irresponsible, stay away from her.

[KnowItAll]

I am not used to chatting for 4 hours on end and my head swims after about 2 and my eyes glaze over. I don't think I even have to say anything, just nod occassionally.

You do sound like you're a glutten for punishment.

Walk away ... your life is yours and one less or more "friend" is not going to make a difference, specially if they're a hassle to deal with.

[rani]

Doesn't sound right to me! Where did you meet these women?

[xiaoma2]

Agree with people upstairs. Hottie you're just unlucky, or lucky. Hong Kong women won't talk much if you are not their close friend. Not sure why they behave like that, but you should just say bye if you feel uncomfortable.

[hkanchor]

Hottie you seem to have a problem controlling your environment. Maybe you're the problem not her

[jimbo]

Semi agreed with hkanchor.

You need to be more ummm how can I say it, You need to be in control of your own situation and don't let anybody force you to do anything you don't wish to do or feel uncomfortable with.

If you wish to say no then just say it and walk away and don't let anybody treat you like a doormat. Lifes too short as it is and you're better than that.

The Mtr tactic is if they stop and take a look just say noyou're busy and carry on walking, They'll soon get the hint and won't ask you again.

I used to be exactly the same as you and now won't ever get myself in that situation again.

[hottie]

Thanks all,

I agree that I am should be more assertive, but was interested to see if it was a cultural thng. I have never had this in any other place.

Where do I meet them? The three main condenders are a neighbour, a mother at my kids' school, and the other is from the gym. Two of those are mainlanders - don't know if that makes a difference.

Have you ever been to those shops in Korea where they physically push you back in if you try to leave without buying anything? Sort of reminds me of that. The phenomenon is mind boggling. Their persistance is amazing.

I got one PM saying they had similar experiences - so it is not just me.

Hottie

[rani]

Are they new to Hong Kong? Sounds like they're new and are just lonely for company. It can be hard to make friends if you don't work and not on GeoExpat

[GMac_and_a_Tbag]

By all means, direct them to me,

i am a good listener.


Gary