[Valencia1]

Originally Posted by ohchk2001

Now you said that my in law is lucky for getting that kind of a payout from me (The $30k plus $2k for life).

If people are booking 20+ tables, why don't the inlaws get a better deal as far as the payout goes?

The $30k is a gift you give your in-laws for thanking him for raising his daughter up. Every guy has to pay a sum for wedding a Chinese bride. This is a Chinese tradition dating back to at least thousands of years ago. In olden days people made it a procession as they were taking the gifts in red sedan chairs to their in-laws as a deposit for their brides. Richer people pay more, even the poorest farmers have to pay. You may ask your Chinese friends how much they think you should pay. My brother paid $20000 to his in-law and my husband paid $30000. We're no rich people, so I think that should be the average decent sum. Many rich people are paying a lot more than that.

When I said your in-law is lucky, I mean the $2k per month, since my husband can't afford to pay my father a fixed sum every month. He does, however, gives him a lai-see of $500 on special occasions like New Year, birthday, mid-autumn festival etc. Many locals just manage to make end meets every month and don't have extras to pay to their own parents, even if they wish to.

People are often touchy when it comes to money. You have decided to contribute $2k to your in-law, I'm sure he'll appreciate that. You know, some in-laws know the difficulty of young people having a family, esp in money matters. They may try their best to contribute to that, such as helping with part of the down-payment with housing, if they can afford it. But don't be disappointed if he doesn't.

When you give a wedding dinner, you're expected to get lai sees from your friends and relatives. These lai sees are divided between the bride's and groom's family. The lai sees you get from your friends are yours, and those from the bride's folks go to her parents. In formal weddings, there are people helping out at the reception table to register the names of the guests and sorting out the lai sees.

It may seem the groom is contributing 100% of the expenses. However, your fiancee may help out seeing that you're broke. When I got married, seeing that my husband got penniless after all these, wedding and mortgage, I offered to spend $10k on furnishing the apartment. After marriage, wives who work contribute money to family expenses too.

Finally, don't let the money matters affect your relationship with your wife and in-laws. My in-laws and my parents are very understanding on this. Good luck!

[Valencia1]

An average family dinner for 12 costs around $2600 plus 10% service charge and beverages in a middle-priced restaurant. The classy ones in Causeway Bay and Central cost a lot more. You can find many good restaurants in TST east at affordable prices. A wedding dinner at a middle-priced restaurant costs $3600 at least, plus service and beverages. Then there are other added unexpected costs you have to check with the restaurant.

As for car rental, check out the local magagzines and the yellow pages. Mine cost about $2000 for half day, 10 years ago. If it's a good day, book early. Book also for the make-up artist and camera man now, since they may be fully booked by now.

[Valencia1]

Originally Posted by Valencia

I offered to spend $10k on furnishing the apartment.

Typing error, I spent $100k, in fact.

[biothermus]

How much to spend on all the wedding day is all a matter of how willing you are and how much money you got, if you're lucky you could get a profit from getting married even (happened to me). Make sure you follow ALL the Chinese wedding traditions and don't miss any (unless your fiancee thinks it's okay). The most important thing for you to do now is decide the date, because without a specific date things could be hard, e.g. booking photographer, banquet place etc. Then decide what type of wedding you two (or you two AND the whole family) want and such and work around it. Shouldn't be hard especially when it's at least 3 months away from now. Good luck!