[NYMomToBe]

I've never had a live-in helper before - for those who have live in maids, could you answer my questions?

1. do you allow them to watch tv? I have to admit I am a bit irritated when my helper comes over to take a peek when the family is watching tv. I treat her with lots of respect, but I just do not feel right b/c do I ask her to sit down and watch tv or do I ask her to do something to get her away from tv? it's just awkward.

2. do you set a 'work schedule' - when to wake up, when to nap, when to sleep?

3. does your helper make all three meals? Do you buy the groceries or do you ask her to buy and you then reimburse her?

4. do you regularly 'chat' with your helper? I feel that I need to find the right balance - I can imagine how horrible it is not to have someone to talk to all day, and just work, work, work, but I am her employer and cannot be her friend. What do you do?

Thanks.. My husband and I come from North America and it's great to have a helper but we also have to adjust ourselves for the loss of privacy. Would really love to hear what you all think. Thanks!

[rani]

Hi NYMomToBe,

There is a book written by a HK Expat called Helper's Helper that offers great advice on time management, shopping, cooking etc. Its also breaks down chores to daily/weekly/monthly.

We have a full time helper and she joins us for her favorite shows...Amercian Idol, SuperNanny etc But she also has her own VCD/TV in her room. I also pick up VCDs for her when we rent movies on the weekend.

We follow the schedule in Helper's Helper. When she joined us I also gave her my son's daily routine, so she can plan her chores around his naps/school time etc.

We normally only cook 1x day. Dinner is usually leftovers from lunch.

I do all the grocery shopping.

Yes, we chat. I actually get on with her quite well.

HTH
Rani

[Muse]

Hello! We grappled with the same issues as I do mourn my loss of privacy. My helper knows that I value two things above all from her - trustworthiness and my privacy. So she's aware of that. I give her privacy on her free time and she gives me privacy. I think the awkwardness goes away after getting to know her after awhile. If you do not want her to sit down and watch tv with you, let her know nicely, but tell her she's free to watch on her free time if you've already retired - or better yet, set up her own tv in her room. The working relationship gradually becomes more comfortable after she knows what you expect of her, and you trust her and become used to her presence, just like any employee/employer relationship. I get a long quite well with my helper now and we chat and laugh together quite frequently. She sometimes prepares 3 meals, sometimes 2, sometimes, 1 - it depends on my mood for the day (if I feel like cooking) as I like a more unstructured / laid back environment.

As for groceries, sometimes she'll accompany me to do the shopping and then I'll pay. Sometimes, if I don't have a chance to do the shopping, I'll write out a list for her, estimate how much it will cost and give her the cash (adjusted upwards) plus transportation allowance. When she finishes shopping, she'll present the bill and the change.

As for work schedule, I tell her to be up by a certain time (usually 7 to 7:30 am) and then after dinner, she can retire and do her own thing. She takes breakfast/lunch/ dinner and tea breaks whenever she wants to.

As for your helper being your employee and not your friend - that is true. But the balance I have a achieved is that I have an employee who I trust and we get a long well and can chat about everyday things - just like when we have colleagues or bosses we get a long well with. At the same time, she trusts me and views me as a fair and personable employer. She knows that if I'm not happy with something she's done, I will be frank about it and so she knows for next time. At the same time, I give her freedom to take some initiative in her work or to explain she's not happy about something in her environment.

Good luck!

[mupsuit]

Originally Posted by NYMomToBe

I've never had a live-in helper before - for those who have live in maids, could you answer my questions?

1. do you allow them to watch tv? I have to admit I am a bit irritated when my helper comes over to take a peek when the family is watching tv. I treat her with lots of respect, but I just do not feel right b/c do I ask her to sit down and watch tv or do I ask her to do something to get her away from tv? it's just awkward.

2. do you set a 'work schedule' - when to wake up, when to nap, when to sleep?

3. does your helper make all three meals? Do you buy the groceries or do you ask her to buy and you then reimburse her?

4. do you regularly 'chat' with your helper? I feel that I need to find the right balance - I can imagine how horrible it is not to have someone to talk to all day, and just work, work, work, but I am her employer and cannot be her friend. What do you do?

Thanks.. My husband and I come from North America and it's great to have a helper but we also have to adjust ourselves for the loss of privacy. Would really love to hear what you all think. Thanks!

I suggest :

TV - dont be mean - buy her a small tv and DVD player - to watch in her own room

Chat? - speak to her all the time - she may be hired help but she can become a real friend and part of the family - do not stand on ceremony with such an important member of your household - You will get back whatever you put in !!

Meals - just try it and see - mine can cook no trouble but some have only suitable for simple dishes - I pay mine more because of this

Send her off duty after lunch - take a rest for an hour
and after dinner when the dishes/kids are put away - send her to her room and leave her alone till morning - this gives her some privacy

[pauchow]

Helper..Maid..whatever you call her..still she's a HUMAN BEING..with a lot of rights to respect..If youll find it hard to do it..atleast try to put yourself into your helpers situation.and you will understand her..ok..

[Expatriate]

My helper is with me for a couple of years. I set targets:
* I need breakfast in the morning, lunch to take to the office (for the microwave) and dinner at dinner time.
* I need fresh shirts and underwear when going to the office.
* The plants shall be green and healthy.
* If something was damaged, I want to know (so it can be replaced in time before it is really needed).
* No visitors.
* The apartment shall be clean.
* The bills need to be paid.

I give a lumpsum at the beginning of the month and get a detailed account of the shopping list at the end. Nowadays I don't care about the details. If something is left over, so be it. Good housekeeping deserves a reward.

If my helper needs something to do the job right I expect to be asked for help.

My helper has a mobile phone, Internet access and goes to town and to Shenzhen and to Central. As long as I get what I need, why not? I don't need a slave.

[smelly]

I have never had a helper, but I would think if you had somebody living in your house and spending many hours w/ you and your family that you would WANT to treat them as a member of the family. I would think that would be more comfortable for everyone involved. Then if they start slacking off you have the kind of relationshipt where you can tell them to shape up.

[shilo507]

If so many people (HK Chinese or Westerners) lament their loss of privacy when hiring a Domestic Helper in Hong Kong's tight living quarters then I don't understand why they bother hiring one - at least not on a full-time basis.

Most domestic helpers only have 10-12 hours off on a Sunday and have to be back by curfew time. Often this time is 20-22:00 hours on a Sunday evening.

Sorry to offer my two-penny worth if it is not needed but why not give your maid Saturday night off and the whole of Sunday? That would increase the amount of privacy of the owner (sorry, i mean employer).

I have had many domestic helpers in Hong Kong and the one thing they all lament is their lack of freedom/privacy. It seems to me that there is an easy answer to that problem if the employer is also bemoaning a lack of privacy.

[hullexile]

Agreed Shilo. And in fact instead of sending them to their room (sounds like they have been naughty children) as someone said why not let them have the night off and go into town if they want?

I am still a bit concerned about Expatriate as he said he only asked for shirts and underpants - if I spot someone walking around without trousers then I know who it will be

[Expatriate]

Originally Posted by hullexile

I am still a bit concerned about Expatriate as he said he only asked for shirts and underpants - if I spot someone walking around without trousers then I know who it will be

Well, trousers go to the dry cleaners. Actually they don't go there by themselves, but are brought there.