[Nutta!]

This is a quick story about the bond formed between a little girl and group of builders. It's allegedly true and makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race. A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant building plot.

One day a gang of building workers turned up to start constructing a house on the empty plot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay packet containing two pounds in 10p coins.

The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank the cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'. "You must have worked very hard to earn all this" said the bank cashier.

The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with the men building a big house." "My goodness gracious," said the cashier, "Will you be working on the house again this week, as well?"

The little girl thought for a moment and said.............. "I think so. Provided those w_nkers at Travis Perkins deliver the f_cking bricks"

[Nutta!]

Anyone else got some humorous quips?

[Max]

On April Fool’s day, a teacher collected well known proverbs. He gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to come up with the rest. Here is what the kids came up with:

Love all, trust ..... me.
No news is ..... impossible.
Strike while the ..... bug is close.
A miss is as good as a ..... Mrs.
A penny saved is ..... not much.
Don`t bite the hand that ..... looks dirty.
You can`t teach an old dog ..... math.
None are so blind as ..... Helen Keller.
The pen is mightier than ..... the pigs.
An idle mind is ..... the best way to relax.
Where there is smoke, there`s ..... pollution.
Better to be safe than ...... punch a 5th grader
Happy is the bride who ..... gets all the presents.
Never underestimate the power of ..... termites.
When the blind lead the blind ..... get out of the way.
If at first you don`t succeed ..... get new batteries.
If you lie down with dogs, you ..... will stink in the morning.
Children should be seen and not ..... spanked or grounded.
You get out of something what you ..... see pictured on the box.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and ..... you have to blow your nose

[chica]

ONE-POINT DARES

1. Run one lap around the office at top speed

2. Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player'
must be in the toilet at the time).

3. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

4. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say,
"Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."

5. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your head.

6. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper
huskily,
"Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"

7. Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say,
"Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

8. Walk sideways to the photocopier.

9. While riding in a lift, gasp
dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINTS DARES

1. Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with
double-barrelled
fingers.

2. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all
that,
I don't want to have to repeat it".

3. Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).

4. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle
(there must be a 'non-player' within sight).

5. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES

1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to
conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you
actually launch into it yourself).

2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with
growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".

4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a
number
two".

5. After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in
"the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.

6. While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.

7. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and
mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"

8. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my
witness,
I'll never go hungry again."

9. In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".

10. Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"

11. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you
hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".

12. Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk
about it".

13. Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch
for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.

14. Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very
important conference call.

15. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

16. Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants
and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

17. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each
biscuit with your fist.

18. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the
door.

19. Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee,
move them according to the movements of their real-life
counterparts.

And if that wasn't enough for you here are some examples of insane acts
you
can use anywhere...

1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a
hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to
have
to let one of you go."

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries
with
that.

4. Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN."

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
over
his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the subject field for all your e-mails, write " FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS".

7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle
sounds
all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time
this
week!!!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling,
"Run for your lives, they're loose!"

[kostas]

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.

[Nutta!]

Originally Posted by chica

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling,
"Run for your lives, they're loose!"

I love that one..............

[chica]

@ nutta

hee hee.... made me laugh while reading that and picturing my colleagues reacting to me if i tried some of that stuff at work.... now, we do have a couple of ideas to cheer us up when work gets boring!!

[chica]

@kostas.....excellent one

[Nutta!]

I know, I keep playing the scene in my head and start laughing uncontrollably.

My team dont talk to me anymore.

[@dorable]

How Smart Is Your Right Foot? This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keep trying it to see if you can outsmart your foot. But you can't!
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.



2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.



Your foot will change direction!!!



And there is nothing you can do about it.