[cerberus]

maybe you're right disco and it is a social status symbol. personally i also side with baron tho, if you wanna have kids better be able to spend time with them. or maybe they're status symbols in their own right, which sounds cynical but is likely true in many cases.

[carang]

for us, it has NOTHING to do with status. how dare you imply that because i have a helper i dont' value and spend time with my children. as a matter of fact i just took a fulltime job with less pay so that i could bring my son with me to work. how many jobs are there in hk that you can do that??? however, we still have bills to pay, without the option of daycare, a helper becomes a necessity rather than a luxury.
one of us staying home is not possible, i know, for the last month i have not worked very much and pennies are VERY tight. i have been in HK for 10 years and have NEVER HAD THE LUXURY OF AN EXPAT CONTRACT...


do not judge until you have walked a mile in my or anyone else's shoes!

[discobay]

Well after you've calmed down perhaps you should look around and you will find that you are in a unique position. For the pay that the second parent gets minus the domestic helper's wages, food, housing, expenses, return trips, levy and agency fees then minus income tax you will wonder why bother.

[HKfornow]

I don't understand this thread. Why would you criticize someone who hires a domestic helper in lieu of asking the parents to take care of the child. . . I would not want my parents (if they lived with me) to take care of my child because
1. they are older they CANNOT keep up with a toddler
2. nor should they be expected to. . . they have a life of their own.
3. 3 generations in one home is not merely a financial arrangement, it is a cultural thing, chinese family typically believe in extended family, not nuclear family.
4. If the older couple got sick or too tired as a result of taking care of the kid. . . how would the parents feel? Is the guilt gonna be enough to get over spending the $3,320 or whatever pay they're paying the helper?

I'm a stay at home mom, and I have a helper. Is it for status? NO, I do it because I could use the help and then I can spend quality time with my child so that I am not trying to do 10,000 things at the same time and let the TV babysit him. We are not on expat package, and live a modest lifestyle, I don't feel that I have to prove to anyone my ability to have "status" by having helper.

True, all over the world, there are people who raise their kids without helpers, I did it while I was in the US and put my child in a daycare while I worked, It did not make me a worse parent then, and I'm not a worse parent now.

Carang. . . You go girl!!

[cerberus]

yeah nobody was making personal allegations here. there's a whole thread somewhere inside saying all my friends and family are morons, and i still didn't get worked up. i believe some of us were talking about the apparently ridiculous proposition of having domestics share tiny apartments with families that already have two generations under one roof. i'm used to grandparents/family helping if possible. and in HK it's usually possible, i have to say.
besides, never had an expat contract and have walked more than a mile in the shoes you depicted. also never had domestic help or too much to eat in the fridge.

hkfornow, heh heh...the price of having affordable helpers? what does that mean? is it along the lines of "smoke em if you got em"? it's not like HK has laws mandating you get a domestic the second you move here.
and let's keep in mind i merely started this thread wanting to know if someone's paying people back for their domestic help expenses. the emotional reaction shows there's some baggage associated with this phenomenon, so maybe we shouldn't get into it further.

[carang]

i took offence at the "kids are a status symbol" and so all those who have kids should give up work to take care of them. i couldn't care less about status symbols, i do care about being able to pay rent and not being homeless.

[JaredHK]

Since we are on the subject of Domestic Helpers I am curious why some get paid a LOT more than others.

I personally do not employ one as I don't need one at the moment but I have noticed that Philipina ladies get paid $3,000 + while Indian Ladies get paid $1,500 - $1,800 with less benefits. I was told Shri Lankans and some other nationalities get paid under $2,000. IMO if the gov wants to do something they should have a set minimum wage for these poor people. I beleive that the employers in many cases are exploiting them and this is unacceptable.

[discobay]

Yes there is a minimum wage for domestic helpers. Anything less is illegal. It doesn't stop people doing it though.

[cerberus]

carang, i do not take what i said back, but likewise don't think it was meant at you or anyone here personally. for many, children are a symbol of socially-expected achievement. due to our naural makeup we are expected to have children, and those who have them often feel they've done their part. not saying everyone's that way, but have witnessed more than a few so-called families where, without being too graphic, once the kids were out of the you-know-what they became somebody else's responsibilty other than the parents'. we're all acquianted with this phenomenon in some way, i do think.

[Baron]

I have to agree with cerberus, as i have seen this first hand. I know of professional women who have had kids before the 'clock runs out', and then hardly had anything to do with the child, leaving the job to a helper or in some cases the husband. They had the child because they know they wont get another chance for children, but their career is still number one. Thats why so many actresses adopt. We are not saying you or any other lovely ladies here are like that for employing a helper, just that it does happen as a status thing. Please don't think we are having a personal dig at you all because we are not. I know it must be hard to raise children and pay the bills. In todays world, two working parents is almost a must!