[shri]

Having sterotyped the male breed, here's a pot shot at the expat housewives, thanks to Hemlock, our favorite obnoxious expat.

Tim – the life-cycle of the expat wife in Hong Kong consists of the following, well-documented stages:

1. Goes to Hollywood Rd and buys antique wooden chests of drawers designed to store small quantities of herbal medicines, and useful for nothing else.
2. Starts buying expensive and dull-looking antique silk dresses to hang on the wall.
3. Opens an interior design business or art gallery, which loses husband money.
4. Dabbles in tea-tree oil, crystals, reflexology, channelling, matters Ayurvedic and other cretinous New Age junk.
5. Starts going to the Mainland to rescue maltreated animals from zoos, circuses and markets.
6. Adopts an abandoned baby girl from a dilapidated Mainland orphanage. Gives the child a Chinese name so she can stay in touch with her infanticidal cultural heritage.
7. Consumed by loathing for her own pasty, big-boned frame, attacks the dusky, lithe domestic helper with a knife (this happens earlier if your wife thinks you are sleeping with the maid).

Being in the office or away on business, you’ll hardly notice most of this, but you should be warned.

[shri]

Taken from a kombuchakid post.

THE EXPAT WIFE'S PRAYER


Heavenly Father, look down on us your humble obedient expat wives who are doomed to travel this earth following our loved ones through their working lives to their lands unknown. We beseech you, O Lord, to see that our plane is not hijacked, our luggage is not lost or pillaged and our overweight baggage goes unnoticed.

Give us this day divine guidance in our selection of houses and maids. We pray that the telephone works, the roofs do not leak, the power cuts are few and the rats and cockroaches even fewer.

Lord, please lead us to good inexpensive restaurants where wine is included in the meal and the food does not cause dysentery. Have mercy upon us, Lord, if it be the latter; make us fleet of foot, to make the loo in time and strong of knee in case we have to squat. Also give us the wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we do not understand.

Make the natives love us, Lord, for what we are and not for what we can contribute to their worldly goods. Grant us the strength to smile at our maids, even though our most treasured dress resembles a rag or they take bleach to clean our well admired Persian rug. Give us divine patience when we explain for the hundredth time the way we want things done and, Lord, if we lose patience and thump them, have mercy on us for our flesh is weak.

Dear God, protect us from so called "bargains" we don't need or can't afford. Lead us not into temptation for we know not what we do.

Almighty Father, keep our husbands from looking at foreign women and comparing them to us. Save them from making fools of themselves at nightclubs. Above all, do not forgive their trespasses, for they know exactly what they do.

And when our expat years are over, Lord, grant us the favor of finding someone who will look at our photographs and listen to our stories, so our lives as expat wives will not have been in vain.

Amen

[kombuchakid]

methinks you be havina a no hair day