[XI_YAN]

Hi,

I am curious about prevailing attitudes about cross-cultural relationships. Are there still prejudices or is there an attitude of acceptance? In what areas is one likely to run into prejudice? Any one got any comments on the subject? I am interested in hearing any opinions or thoughts.

[Sand]

I'm a UK male and married to a local woman.

We live with my wife's mother who treats me better than my own mum.

I've never had any problems or issues about our marriage except one. Everybody keeps telling us mixed babies are very beautiful and asking when we plan to start a family.

[XI_YAN]

so when are you starting a family? LOL! only teasing! thanks for sharing!

[PC_Man]

Gweilo with Thai.

Had 2 babies already and keep getting told to have more - agreed when someone else pays for them...

Don't notice much prejudice but not hi-so people and lot of mixed marriages around us.

[Pekkerhead]

Are you separating cultural from racial?

I am a gwai lo married to a local HK, but she spent most of her time in the UK and so shares my 'culture', as it were. However, racially we are obviously different and this can cause interest, though not necessarily in a bad way. I think most people have moved with the times and it is more acceptable. But obviously I can only speak from a white guy/chinese girl perspective. I have no idea the sort of reaction other inter racial relationships might cause.

Our two kids cause quite a stir though, in a good way that is...

[XI_YAN]

Interesting question. I didn't differentiate because interracial usually implies a difference in culture but to my mind adjusting to cultural differences is way harder than adjusting to a racial difference. and cultural differences can occur even within the same racial group. But specifically I was thinking of white woman + chinese man in a relationship.

[Skyhook]

I think it really boils down to where you were raised, if you were both raised in the west, regardless of your ethnicity, a lot of common ground will exist, making the relationship less prone to cultural indigestion.

My wife is also a HK local, educated in Australia and who worked in Italy and the UAE for a total of 14 years abroad, not so local in her approach or understanding of things. lol. As a couple we tend to follow a singular thinking.

As to family interactivity, I enjoy being an accepted member of my wifes family, and have never had a cross word or a situation where culture ever raised an eye brow with any of us.

I_Steyne, as to your role reversal of the OP, I doubt that would have any difference to the outcome.

Most mixed couples that I know in HK, all of them involve a HK local, all of them were educated externally of HK, or spent a great deal of time abroad... Coincidence ?

If you ask my wife what she thinks of HK locally raised men however, she has a very low opinion of them, they have a god/mummies boy complex, and just plain emotionally immature.

My missus, loves helping me work on our car when I service it, passing my spanners and what not while I am underneath, knowing that a HK guy just wouldnt be happy about getting his hands dirty, impractical at fixing things or building something, like re tiling a kitchen floor etc. HK local guy just wouldnt have the faintest idea.

Key thing with any relationship, regardless of the racial/cultural combination that applies to successful couples, "couples that play together, stay together "

Couples where the male tends to spend a lot of time at KTV bars or pubs with the lads most nights of the week, generally fail down the track. Just something I have observed in Hong Kong, even with ( some ) British married men here, who tend to like getting on the piss with their mates a bit too often, leaving the wife at home like a hermit.

I think in a nutshell its a matter of previous family upbringing and your own interpretation of what marriage and family mean to you.

Interesting topic that I am sure will have a fair amount of debate.

[XI_YAN]

I agree totally with your assessment regarding interpersonal relationships in a relationship BUT all those things exist anyway. I am thinking more of the kind of cultural differences that pop up in the oddest places in a relationship (I would go so far as to place class differences in this category as well) that make you look at your partner as if they were from Mars.

[carang]

my hubby, is as local as you can get in many respects. he was raised in gov't housing in sham shui po. his mother is indigenous to hk, her family has been here for around 400 years.

i'm canadian. his family has always treated me exceptionally well, even members of my own family. before we were married, my mother came to hk to visit and on her last night here they presented her with an expensive watch and a digital camera.

the only time that culture differences have created problems are with the raising of the kids. my two are the only grandchildren. as such, i understand my in-law's wish to spoil them, however, i do not approve of some of the things my MIL is passing on to my son. i try my best to raise a respectful and well mannered boy, however, she sometimes disses my disciplinary measures in front of him. THIS i have a problem with.
i'm trying to keep in mind that her care comes from a good place,even though it drives me mad at times...

as for the marriage itself, communication can sometimes be difficult, simply because my hubby doesn't always have the english words to express himself as well as he'd like and this can lead to misunderstandings. but i don't think there's much "cultural" basis for this, rather it's purely a "lingual" problem...

[carang]

as for cultural differences that make me look at my hubby askance...

one day i went into the kitchen and he was there with a huge jar of dill pickles (not the icky chinese type, the real ones) and there he was trying to get the pickles out of the jar with chopsticks!!!!!!!!!! it would never have occurred to me to use chopsticks to retreive a pickle, but it seemed to work for him!