[kombuchakid]

Prickly Peking paranoiacs pucker in pique. Hong Kong’s former Governor Chris Patten makes his annual visit to his old domain. It’s the usual story. Fat Pang the sinning, tango-dancing whore, triple violator and colonial oppressor hits town to sign copies of his latest literary masterpiece and is greeted by the city’s people as their long-lost hero and saviour, in embarrassingly stark contrast to the timid or indifferent reception they afford his successors or representatives of our current sovereign power .

Flanked by small boys in loincloths fanning him with ostrich feathers, the rotund Brit shakes hands with adoring crowds of erstwhile subjects who throw flowers at his feet and offer him babies to kiss, egg tarts to gobble and intimate female apparel to sign. Fans clutching Patten memorabilia mob bookstores like followers of a young pop star, a glamorous actress or a charismatic religious leader offering hope – which, to old, overweight gwailos who failed to make it to the top, he probably does.

“I reflect wryly that there were never several hundred thousand people on the streets when I was Governor,” he muses between ritual pleasantries and expressions of respect to Hong Kong’s current leaders. After becoming the 7,000,001st person to say the idea of a Goods and Services Tax stinks, he gets a dressing down from Financial Secretary Henry Tang, who accuses His Corpulence of leaving Hong Kong’s economy unprepared for the horrors that, by pure coincidence, hit it soon after Tung Chee-hwa took over in 1997. Patten deftly puts Henry in his place by saying he thinks the Financial Secretary in those days did a rather good job of looking after the economy, implicitly inviting Henry to take the matter up with Donald Tsang, now his boss.

Although opposition to a GST cuts across political and social strata, the proposal has obvious potential as a weapon for the pro-democracy camp. It is reasonable to wonder what British-trained ex-civil servant Sir Bow-Tie is playing at, releasing the plan at this time. A time when British-trained ex-civil servant Anson Chan has been making more strident and heartfelt pleas for universal suffrage and has just gone on a trip to the UK. A time when British-trained ex-civil servant Regina Ip has returned from Stanford academically recounting arguments for political reform that defy conservative criticism. A time when British-trained ex-civil servant Lily Yam throws another hot potato into the game with comments essentially backing Anson. A time when all these barbarian-brainwashed ex-colonial running dogs’ blubbery old imperialist boss flies in from England, to be met with open arms by multitudes of supposedly Chinese citizens. The only reason for officials in Beijing not to believe that there is a foreign plot to re-take Hong Kong is that the conspiracy is too obvious, blatant and unguarded. But then – their obsessive and suspicious logic will surely conclude – that’s what they want us to think.

-Hemlock

Pop Quiz

On Saturday, ------- said Lord Patten "patted his butt and left"

Who?

and no brownie points for the correct answer

[cerberus]

tea and crumpets at the admiralty, i say, old chap.

a well-written piece and very amusing, i enjoyed the wry wit and clever innuendo.

did anyone go to see Patten at one of the book signings?

and was he this popular when actually in government?

[abcdefghi]

IIRC, most people hoped he would shut up and kiss some ass before Beijing visited its secular wrath upon us all.

[kristenw]

Henry Tang said that